Keep Showing Up For Yourself: You're Worth It
If I’m honest with you, I looked at this month’s prompt, “If I keep showing up for myself, life will reward me” laughed, and said, “I can’t write this right now.” And I didn’t write it right then. I walked away from it and came back a couple days later when I knew I’d feel more like myself. Because it’s normal to feel down. It’s normal to only see all the things happening “to” you and none of the things happening “for” you. Here’s the kicker though, that down feeling will become your normal and your everyday thoughts if you don’t actively work on changing them.
You have to keep showing up for yourself and I promise, life will reward you. Even when it feels like it won’t.
I heard a counselor say in a podcast the other day, “You can’t trust your feelings all the time. They lie to you.” And that resonated with me. Your feelings are influenced by stories that were told to you by bullies at school, rough teachers, and well-meaning but misinformed parents. Kids in school always told me I had a big nose (I do), teachers told me I talked too much (I did), my mom told me I was too much and to make myself smaller (she was well-meaning but misinformed), and my siblings called me “piggy” (gotta love a 12-year-old brother).
The stories that were told to me turned into stories I told myself and led to feelings like, “I’m not pretty enough,” “I’m too loud and I don’t have anything valuable to say,” “No one wants me to take up space. It’s embarrassing and I should stop,” “I’m fat and less than because of it.”
When I read those back today I know those feelings are not true. They’re lying to me. Influenced by stories told me when I was younger, sure, but still not true. The feelings may be valid but they aren’t my truth. Do you see the difference?
That’s why it is our job, your job and mine, to actively reframe the negative thoughts we have daily into positive ones. Don’t mistake this for toxic positivity because it’s not that. It’s taking control of what you have control over and influencing your life to take a positive turn instead of a negative one.
Let’s walk through some reframes and why they’re important to stick out for the long haul (even if you don’t see a positive change in your life right away):
Example 1:
Old Thought: “I look so bad today”
New Thought: “I’m working with what I got! This is my face and I’ll put some mascara on because I deserve to feel my best.”
Why it’s important: You won’t love your body 100% of the time but you can speak to it kinder and treat it with a little dignity and respect. When you do that you’ll notice it trickle into other areas of your life. You’ll look for more nourishing foods at your meals, you’ll find gratitude in your wrinkles from laughing and smiling, and you’ll eventually walk past a mirror and subconsciously think, “Wow I look good today.” With a negative bias, you’ll only see your flaws. With a positive bias, you’ll train your brain to see beauty (and treat yourself like you’re beautiful).
Example 2:
Old Thought: “I don’t have anything to offer anyone.”
New Thought: “I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I’m valuable and I’ll find my way.”
Why it’s important: We ebb and flow with finding purpose and meaning in our jobs, family lives and relationships, and within ourselves. That’s human. But if you never reframe the old thought, you’ll never get to the other end of it. With every “slump” is a new high waiting to be hit. With a negative bias, the opportunities in front of you will seem out of reach. That promotion your boss is talking about can’t be yours because you have nothing to offer the world so you won’t work for it and you won’t get it. With a positive bias, the same opportunities in front of you will seem like they were made for you. That promotion your boss is talking about was made for you so of course you’ll work extra hard to get it.
Example 3:
Old Thought: “I’ll never figure out my relationship with food.”
New Thought: “I’m sure I also thought I’d never learn the alphabet when I was 3 years old but look at me now. I’ll figure it out. It takes time and practice, practice, and more practice. But I’ll get there because I want to and because I am capable and worth having a fantastic relationship with food.”
Why it’s important: If you think you won’t, you won’t I promise. If you think you will, you will, I promise. With a negative bias, you’ll see a box of cupcakes in the house and think, “I have no shot. The cupcakes win again.” That tiny thought just gave you full permission to binge, to see the cupcakes as the enemy, and give in to defeat. With a negative bias, you never stood a shot to improve your relationship with food. With a positive bias, you’ll see the same box of cupcakes in the house and think, “This is an opportunity to practice a better relationship with cupcakes.” That tiny reframe just helped you neutralize the cupcakes and set your brain down a path of creating a plan to success instead of a path to defeat.
Reframing thoughts like this take time and consistency. Old negative thoughts and patterns will surface and that’s okay. It’s all about changing the conversation in your head or out loud when they do. If I hear myself say something negative I will out loud say, “that’s not true” and continue to speak out loud the new positive thought. You can reframe this quietly in your head or in a journal with pen and paper. Be patient with yourself and make an active effort. Over time, it will be worth it.
With my clients, I focus on shifting habits without restricting or counting calories to achieve sustainable weight loss or weight maintenance. We use practical nutrition so we can live life and feel our best!
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